Are you overwhelmed, Mama?

Are you overwhelmed, Mama?

Are you overwhelmed, Mama?

Though we’re overwhelmed, being a wife and mother has its many rewards. There’s the love bond, hugs, kisses, and the laughs. There’s the really good moments that you wish you could just pause time and make it last forever. Especially when everyone is in a good mood and enjoying their time together.

There’s also those bad moments. The fights, tantrums, siblings hitting each other, and miscommunication between you and your significant other. Those moments are the ones that you wish you could do without, probably. I know that I ask every time I go through one of those moments, “What is happening and WHY?”

The thought of throwing in the towel is never too far away. But then I think about how I’d be the only one that cared about the towel being on the floor and that’s more mess to clean up, so it’s not a very logical direction to head towards. Check out my post about a Clean Perspective with a Dirty House.

Having a family is tough. Even more when you’re apart of the controlling partnership of that family.

There’s so much responsibility on you that sometimes it can get so overwhelming and it feels like the weight of the WHOLE WORLD is on your shoulders.

When it comes to stress overload, I don’t handle it too well. I shut down completely and I don’t communicate with ANYONE! If I do communicate, it’s with little emotion and short answers. I channel that stress into my “depression file” and let it get to me. A large amount of stress triggers the domino effect of opening up that depression file for me. I’ve always been that way. When I think of a lot of stress, I think of being depressed. Emotionless.

Recently, I’ve discovered some things that have helped me channel my stress through a vent system that helps my body and mind not go into a shut down mode. They help me become revived and keep going strong. Instead of shutting down, my mind and body go to “autopilot mode” and it keeps my momentum going. I’d like to share them with you in hopes that maybe it would help you if you ever need to vent in a healthy way.

How to overcome being overwhelmed:

  1. Pray!

    This sounds so cliche, because so many people use this as advice nowadays. Someone asks, “What do I need to do?” and everyone answers, “Just pray about it and it’ll all be okay!”

    So does that really work when you’re overwhelmed? YES! Prayer is an act of intimate worship with the One and Only Savior! If He can save the world of its sin, then he can DEFINITELY save you from your break down. The most effective go to prayer for me when I become overwhelmed is,

    Lord, I’m not sure what’s going on. But I know that you’re right here holding my hand through it. Please wrap your arms around me and guide me. Reveal to me what’s going on and help me to remain aware, confident, and joyful through this! Thank you, Lord. Amen!”

     

    I couldn’t imagine going through my life without His hand to hold. No matter what kind of disappointments, messes, or miscommunication we go through, He is just a prayer away.  Don’t hesitate for one second to reach out to Him.

  2. Breathe!

    Inhale through the nose for five seconds, exhale through the mouth for ten. Inhale through the nose for five seconds, exhale through the mouth for ten seconds. Depending on the situation, I close my eyes. If my boys are both staring up at me with those big blue eyes, I keep mine open and focus on those. But if they’re running around like they’re chickens with their heads cut off, I close my eyes.

    My oldest has noticed that when I do this, he needs to calm down. He has already started apologizing by the second deep breath on some occasions. I’ve had to explain to him why I do that, so he doesn’t think I’m completely mental.

    When you get overwhelmed and tired of everything, holding your breath can become one of your automatic reactions. DON’T DO IT! I repeat, DON’T DO IT! When you hold your breath, your body goes into panic mode. Because all your body wants is to breathe and work properly. Holding your breath does not work. You need to breathe. Slowly, but breathe.

  3. Sing!

    If you’ve heard me sing, you know that I am not good at it. I can’t carry a tone and yes, I try. No one should like my singing! In fact, I used to not like my singing so much that I used to not like doing it. I remember telling my favorite Sunday School teacher that I hated singing.

    Do you know who does like my singing despite how I sound? My family. My husband and my boys. They sometimes even start singing along with me when I start singing! Even if it’s random.

    When I was in labor with our firstborn, singing was the only thing allowing me to focus and not give up. I sang “How Great Thou Art” over and over until that baby was OUT! Then it was “Victory in Jesus” FTW!

    My favorite songs to sing are church hymns, of course. Those are the ones that bring back happy memories of my worship time with God, church that has been my steady home my whole life, and my momma. I teared up typing that last one, because I remember my momma cranking up those hymns while she was cleaning and practicing for choir practice. Yes, she would practice for choir practice. I used to think, “What is she doing?” But now that I’m living on my own a few hundred miles away from my momma, I miss it so much and I hope to set that same principle for my babies.

  4. Dance!

    When all else fails… dance, dance, dance, YEAH! You may not know how to and it may look like you have an itch in the middle of your back that you just can’t scratch and you sure are trying your hardest to scratch it! But that’s okay! It will make you feel silly. Plus, it might just make your kids and significant other start dancing too! Monkey see, monkey do, right?

    Dancing is a physical release of energy that you may not actually have. BUT it’s energy put towards something joyful instead of something like yelling, throwing things, or just overall staying overwhelmed. It is also a GREAT exercise method. Who doesn’t need more exercise?

  5. Laugh!

    If you’re like me, you love a good laugh. When things aren’t going your way, your kids are acting like hooligans, and you’re wondering if your husband was raised in a barn, then you’re probably in need of a good laugh. When everything seems to be so serious and NOT funny, find something to laugh at. Even if you have to go in another room and look up some funny videos on YouTube, DO IT!

    Laughing is a medicine that is so misunderstood. People think that your situation has to be good and perfect to laugh. No. There is always something to laugh at in every situation. Some people may think you’re immature for it, but let them think that. People may not take you serious, but that’s okay. If your body is going on overdrive and you’re about to go bat crap crazy; laugh. You should go down the crazy lane laughing rather than depressed.

  6. Talk about it!

    It is so hard for me to talk about how I feel. Especially when I think that someone will judge me for it or if I think that no one else feels the same way. I get anxiety just thinking about telling someone else how I’m feeling inside about certain things. It has taken me a long time to even open up to my husband about certain things that I should’ve already opened up about. Opening up about those things has helped him open up to me and that’s what brings ultimate intimacy in a relationship. It overall improved our relationship and we’re growing closer every day through it (even though, some days, I can’t help but wonder which planet he was created on).

    When people think of intimacy, they think of physical actions. Sex, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and stuff like that. I’m here to tell you that the best type intimacy one can have is emotional intimacy. Even when those feelings aren’t reciprocated or understood by the person you’re expressing them to. It’s important that the person that you’re closest to knows what’s going on with you mentally.

    Usually after you’ve expressed that emotion, whoever you’ve expressed it to will more than likely return the favor by expressing to you their emotions. That bond grows stronger and that relationship becomes stronger.

    You might think that other people have their own problems and don’t want to hear about yours, but if they truly care about you, then yes they do want to hear about what’s going on with you. Good or bad.

  7. Last but not least: Cry!

    This is probably the most important out of all of these. When all else fails, cry. Let it out through tears!
    It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let your kids see you cry. It’s especially okay to let your significant other see you cry. I’m not talking about the one little tear sliding down your cheek. I’m talking about the ugly cry; snotty nose, red face, puffy eyes cry.

    If you’ve held back those tears for so long, RELEASE them! Crying isn’t always a bad thing. I know that we are wired to answer our baby’s cries with ways to get them to STOP crying, but sometimes… we just need to cry. It’s part of being human and having feelings. If we try to suppress them with other things all the time, our body automatically begins to rewire itself in unhealthy ways. If we try to suppress them with trying to feel happy all the time, then we become even more overwhelmed and tied up to that overdrive mode. Which ultimately leads to a HUGE breakdown and bye bye mind.

    If you can’t release your stress through those five other ways, crying is worth a try. Even if you don’t cry about the situation that you’re in, just finding something to cry about helps trigger those tears and releases them. That release can help your body so much.

    Crying doesn’t mean that you’re depressed. It means that you’re healthily expressing what your heart is feeling. It won’t take away your joy. It won’t always take away your pain, but it will express it in the way that we were built to express it.

In conclusion,

these six things can all be done in order, they can even be done at the same time. I can’t promise you that it will take your overwhelmed feelings away or your problems. But I can promise that it’s worth a try!

Please, if you’re overwhelmed and need someone to talk to about it, I’m here. I’d love to talk, pray, sing, dance, breathe, and cry with you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me as well.

As always, thank you for reading a piece of my heart!

May God Bless you & all that you endeavor!

overwhelmed

 

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Melissa Velazquez | 11th Mar 17

    Good tips. I spend a good amount of time praying and I love that now my daughter does too.

    • Virtuous Mama | 13th Mar 17

      That’s so awesome. Prayer is so important. <3

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